The Entertainer

Whilst recently visiting a dentist for an X-ray of a set of spectacularly impacted wisdom teeth, I chanced upon a discarded copy of Entertainment Occasionally amongst various other glossy weeklies strewn across the coffee table. As I flicked through the pages, trying to ignore the discomfort associated with the growth of a pair of tusks, my attention was drawn to the following article:

The Entertainer

Rudy Fishkin:

Is this man a Genius...?

Rudy Fishkin needs no introduction. He is a true legend. However, for the benefit of the un-educated amongst our readership, perhaps we should introduce him anyway...


Rudy Fishkin has had arguably one of the most successful careers in show business, spanning almost 70 years. As an actor, writer, director, musician, and more recently a respected philosopher, New Yorker Fishkin has excelled in every aspect of his creative life, in the process earning the status of cultural icon amongst his legion of inspired followers. He has won numerous awards for his work from all corners of the globe, whether from the world of literature, cinema, or classical music. Famously reclusive, he has always spurned intrusion into his private life, choosing instead to express himself in his chosen artistic media. His eccentricity is well-reported, as is his troubled personal life and difficulty in dealing with fame.


During a rare public appearance as part of his recent 80th birthday celebrations, Entertainment Occasionally managed to secure an interview with the elusive Fishkin. As can be seen, he is as full of enthusiasm for his work as ever despite his advancing years, although the inevitable slowing of his great mind does occasionally lead to periods of slight confusion.


Entertainment Occasionally gives you, Rudy Fishkin...


EO: Well, first of all Mr Fishkin, happy birthday!
RF: It’s my birthday?


EO: Well, last week, happy belated birthday
RF: No, no, no – it’s not till next month.


EO: You had a special dinner put on by the British Academy of Film and Television, last week, at the Savoy?
RF: That’s why there was a cake...


Confused, Fishkin surveys the various snacks laid out on the coffee table in his plush hotel room...


EO: After 70 years at the top, it’s hard to know where to start...
RF: How about at the beginning?

EO: Yes, let’s start at the very beginning. How old would you say you were when you first realised you wanted to entertain people?
RF: Do you want a pretzel?


EO: Er, thanks.
RF: Shouldn’t myself. I have a stomach ulcer the size of a fried egg.

EO: What were your earliest creative memories?
RF: Ach, memories... I remember as a young boy making people laugh by putting ping-pong balls in my mouth and firing them across the room like a cannon. I still sometimes do it now.


EO: You were a practical joker?
RF: Oh yes. That particular one always got a laugh. Apart from the time I nearly blinded my Aunt Golda. I also remember playing the piano at family gatherings. That got stopped by my parents, who didn’t like me going off all the time spending time with strange families. Such good pretzels...

EO: Did you receive formal musical tuition at that age?
RF: Sure, sure, that’s true, my later films dealt with the moral issues faced by most puppeteers at some point in their careers. Have you ever swum with dolphins?


EO: Er, no...dolphins...?
RF: To be a dolphin – they know how to live, and such a healthy diet. Can you hear ringing?


EO: Getting back to the question... Your early musical training...?
RF: Oy vey, so touchy... Coffee? My head hurts.


EO: Thank you, yes please. When did you first play the piano in public?
RF: What’s this, sweeteners...? No sugar... Right. Figures. What did you say...?


EO: When did you first play the piano in public?
RF: At my grandfather’s funeral, I played “I Got Rhythm” at the wake. Milk or cream...?


EO: What about when you composed your first piece of music?
RF: What about it?


EO: When was it?
RF: Sheez, he wants to know everything... Maybe ’41, or’42 - who knows? Milk it is...


EO: You were often compared to George Gershwin in your early career. Did this put unwelcome weight on your shoulders as an artist?
RF: You wanta talk about my new book? I’m up to my ears in alimony, and Christmas is coming up...


EO: Ok, we can edit this up later... Tell us about your new book.
RF: To me, Gershwin was totally unique, a one-off. A bit like my ex-wife’s sister. Such jowls... Anyway, it was true that his music inspired me, but to compare my music to his would be an insult to me, or him, or the other guy. What was his name...? You play tennis?


EO: Er, not for a while...
RF: You should get out in the sun. You’re pale.

EO: Your new book, Existential Meditations, is an investigation into the potential liberty of the repressed psyche amidst the domineering collective conscience of modern society...
RF: It is? I thought it was about thinking for yourself... I should read it again...

EO: What made you want to write the book?
RF: Well, my accountant kept calling me up and talking about negative this, or static that, so I knocked the book out to keep him off my back. You should see the car he drives.


EO: Perhaps then, you could give us your views on living in a profoundly materialistic world?
RF: I’m getting such a headache... I think that too many people worry about the wrong things in life. Who needs money anyhow? Alright, alright... so my accountant and ex-wife... okay, you’re happy? People should be more content with what they’ve got, and stop buying such big cars. Who needs a car this big? You think God would drive such a car? He’d take the bus. And food is another... You seen the size of some of these people? They should play more tennis too. A sandwich...?


EO: No – thank you. Do you think the media pressurises young people to look a certain way?
RF: Like what, skinny? Sure, sure. (into phone) Hello, room service? Yeah, can you send up a bunch of roast beef on rye with mustard to room 209? Oh, and another bowl of pretzels... (to me again) You’re sure...? (hangs up phone) What are you, fasting? What was the question again...?


EO: What kind of audience is your book aimed towards?
RF: Well, it’s not aimed at the types of people who fall asleep in front of all those shiny-floored TV shows on a Saturday night with their mouths wide open, and it’s not aimed at anyone with a hat size greater than 26 inches either. Anyone in between should find it interesting. Did I tell you the hardcover is specially discounted?


EO: What plans do you have for your work now that you’ve turned 80 years of age?
RF: I’m sure I’m only 79... Anyway, 79, 80, 90 – what’s the difference? I feel great. If only I could remember who the old woman is knocking round the house. Did you ask me something?


EO: Plans for the future?
RF: Well, I have a lady friend lives not far from here, we’re going to see a show tonight. Then tomorrow I’m having lunch with my agent – he’s another one, I thought my ex-wife was highly-strung...Then, who knows? You’ll play tennis Monday? We could catch a movie...


EO: I’m afraid I have prior work commitments...

At this point, room service arrives with a tray of sandwiches and some more pretzels...


RF: (to room service boy) Great, kid... just on the table here, that’s fine. Say, you play tennis?


EO: I’d like to talk a little about your acting career. Since 1962 you’ve starred in over forty successful films...
RF: Get away, how many...?


EO: At the beginning of your acting career you studied with such luminaries as Brando, Strasberg and Orson Welles. What was it like to work with them?
RF: You’re kidding... I knew he reminded me of someone... Brando you say? He never said... such a modest guy. Who were the others again? Jimmy Stewart? Jimmy was a great guy. He was such fun to have on the set, always fooling around and playing tricks. I remember once he hid Hitchcock’s hat. Hitchcock was furious, said he couldn’t work without it. Sometimes he would go too far, like the time he pulled Bergman’s chair out from under her just as she sat down – she went crazy and stormed off the set saying he’d made her look an ass. Gregory Peck was another one. He once staked his mother-in-law on a poker game. Lucky for him, he won. Thing was, he wound up winning John Huston’s sister in the same game and had to put her up in his trailer till they finished shooting. I could go on... How long you got?


EO: Please do, it’s fascinating...
RF: Sit down, sit down...Why don’t you start at the beginning?


EO: I’m sorry...?
RF: Of my career, you’re going to ask me some questions? Say, pretzels...


EO: Er, yes, perhaps we could talk more about your early acting career first...
RF: Ach, Jimmy Stewart, there was a great guy. He was such fun to have on the set...


EO: Yes, yes, Jimmy Stewart, you mentioned him... What about Brando?
RF: Bogart? Now there was a great man. All that tough guy stuff, right? He was a pussy cat. Let me tell you, I remember once he refused to come on set to shoot because there was a spider on the drapes. Mary Astor had to get rid of it in a glass before he’d come anywhere near. And that roughin’-up the women? You ought to know, they nearly had to get him a double one time when he broke a nail slappin’ Bergman around. Great guy though, sure, he could really turn it on. And his tailor too, I should’ve had such gabardine...


EO: Your early acting roles gave you the experience to draw on in your later, more challenging portrayals of some extremely intense characters...
RF: Not really. To be honest, when I started out, I wanted to work behind the camera,


EO: To direct?
RF: No, as a dolly grip. I always wondered what they did.


EO: I see. But you went on to give some truly memorable performances for which you were nominated for several Academy Awards...
RF: Yes, yes. These are great sandwiches. You should eat. You come all this way and don’t eat?


EO: I’m not hungry, thank you.
RF: You think I’m paying? My expenses tab reads like Dostoyevski. Relax, eat something.


EO: Thank you, but no. Maybe later. Could you tell us a little about how you made the transition from acting to directing?
RF: I told you my new book’s discounted in hardcover, right?


EO: I believe you did.
RF: If you’re sure. Now, directing... directing... I directed?


EO: Perhaps you could tell us a little about it?
RF: This guy knows everything... Do you work for the IRS? Sheez, they’ll want blood next.


EO: Er, yes, I’m talking about the successful films you’ve directed...?
RF: Nope... never directed anything in my life. You should speak to my accountant. He knows.


EO: I don’t work for the IRS, Mr Fishkin, Entertainment Occasionally.
RF: I don’t care if it is only occasionally, I never directed.


EO: From an artistic perspective, your directorial debut in 1975 was greeted with glowing reviews from some of Hollywood’s most revered authorities for its technical facility and visual awareness...
RF: No, no, that wasn’t me... Ach, you mean that little guy with the beard, right? Yeah, you got the wrong guy... You think I know where he lives? He could be anywhere... Try the Yellow Pages... Ok, ok, I might’ve helped out, but only with the cold cuts in the crew mess, and that was only for expenses and a piece of the leftovers action... My accountant will straighten everything out. He’s in the Athletic Club... you want passes? Sheez, and all for a lousy book plug...


EO: Ok, moving on from directing then, do you still write music today?
RF: One day he’ll ask me about the book... Now you want music? Alright, alright, so ask me about music...


EO: Yes, do you still write today?
RF: Actually, I’ve just written a new book called Existential Meditations which, incidentally, is specially discounted in hardcover. If I could remember what it was about I’d tell you, but it’s over 400 pages long. You’ll buy a copy? I could sign it for you...You see that pen...?


EO: Thank you, but I’ve read it. Do you still find time to write music in your busy schedule?
RF: You think I’m busy? I can do what I want, there’s plenty of time. People want me here, people want me there... Relax. Who needs to rush? You’ll just get a coronary. I fit things in. My agent should learn too. He’s only just turned 40 and he’s crunching Diazepam and wearing a toupee. Life’s too short. Sure, sure, I find time for music. I’ve actually just finished writing the first ever piano quartet. I plan to perform it in the New Year.


EO: Really?
RF: Sure. It’s in three movements. Adagio, Moderato, and Breakneck.


EO: That’s an interesting idea. Do you have any plans at this stage which pianists you might use for the performance?
RF: Pianists? Who mentioned pianists? I’m playing it myself.


EO: You’re playing four pianos at once?
RF: Sure I am. I got a great deal with Steinway. They’re putting my Grandkid through college. My agent set it up. In fact, they’re putting his kid through college too. The first ever piano quartet, with just one guy sitting amongst all these pianos. It’s a great idea, they’ll be selling pianos on the moon. I suggested an octet, but they’re worried about stages collapsing.


EO: Do you feel the need to cross musical boundaries because you’ve composed so prolifically for so many years?
RF: Because I’ve what?


EO: You have written a lot of music in your career...
RF: Yes, I remember writing some once.


EO: You’ve won several Grammys, amongst other awards...
RF: Yes, but that was by mistake.


EO: I’m sorry?
RF: They thought I was someone else...


EO: I see. Do you listen to a lot of music today?
RF: Ach, what are you, my shrink?


EO: Sorry Mr Fishkin, too many questions...?
RF: There he goes again, asking me another...


EO: Okay, I’m sorry... so, you have your piano quartet, your new book,
RF: Discounted in...


EO: ...hardcover, yes, and some concerts in the New Year. Don’t you ever think of slowing down?
RF: You’re tired? You should listen. It’s lack of sun. You look terrible. Here, I saved you some pretzels...


EO: Thank you. Perhaps, Mr Fishkin, before we finish, you would like to take this opportunity to address your many fans around the world with some words of wisdom?
RF: My head hurts, and look what he chooses to ask me... Can you repeat the question?


EO: What advice would you offer to any of your fans reading this interview?
RF: And now he wants advice... Well, to all the kids out there, I would first of all say get out and play some tennis, particularly if you know any nice girls who play too. Look after yourself. Eat plenty of oily fish and cereals if you can, but don’t eat too much oily fish. If you know any nice girls who like cereals, don’t play too much tennis either, particularly after eating schnecken. (to me) You got any aspirin? I don’t feel so good. Where was I? Tennis? Alright, already. Kids should learn to be themselves, especially if their friends are trying to be them too. People follow the crowd, which is great if you enjoy socialising, but all that can ever do is stifle creativity and pass round colds. Be brave, even if people think you’re weird. They’re weird. What the hell’s weird anyway? Okay, so my friend Benny Greenblatt, for sure. Basically, don’t worry about material things, or anything that doesn’t involve armed robbery. So you don’t wear a Rolex or drive a Mercedes? Who cares? Your health is more important, as are your family, loved ones, and especially your attorney. Finally, on matters of the flesh, I have come to realise that there is no such thing as love. There is much lust, deceit, and in the case of my ex-wife, loathing, but no love. So, if I was one of the kids out there today, I’d be... I’d be... Oy vey, it’s gone again...


EO: Rudy Fishkin, thank you.
RF: Pleased to meet you, kid... Say, you look just like the guy who did my last interview. You want a pretzel? Okay, okay, so fire away...We’ll start with my new book...?



© Matthew Jenkins, December 2010

mattofjenko@yahoo.co.uk